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To VETO or VOTE? X marks your spot-unless it’s in Barlinnie,Saughton…..

There is a truly,Tory irony in a time of cuts to social services,education,health etc. that Camers and his merry,pompous band of “If only the atlas could be a 6th pink again!”,have orchestrated a vote (mark that word!) to involve the U.K in flipping a finger at Europe and needlessly costing this land millions in legal fees and compensation payments.That is,of course,not including the damage that will be done,overtly and covertly, to the already dented image of the U.K. in Strasbourg and Brussels.

The ancient Chinese warlord Sun Tzu,author of the still used “Art of War” wrote that only a fool takes on a battle in the knowledge that he cannot win. Apply that rule here-Cameron and his out of touch pals are fools (I know-No,really!) You’d sussed,I’d sussed. Their behaviour is that of the spoiled,petulant schoolboy caught between selfish want and the school rules. Knows he’s in the wrong,knows there will be a price to pay but,Hell! The big boys in the class will think he’s a real firebrand. The rest of us will see him for what he is – a prat! Worse,a prat using our money.

The vote I mentioned- The European Court ruled that it is incomaptible with Human Rights Law to declare that X can’t mark his “x” come election day because X is a serving prisoner. Seemples! The problem arose in that Camers,terrified of being seen as soft on crime,decided to do the “line in the sand” act regardless of legal merit or cost to the country.

Such a shame given the growing number of former M.P.’s who could set up surgeries in various of H.M.Prisons-some even in marginal constituencies.

The U.K. signed up,albeit decades late,to Europe.It was in ink,not wholly invisible but decidedly weak  ink. Since then relations have been frosty.You can’t blame the Europeans-we turned up late,won’t change to their monetary system,we hate their Convention on Human Rights (“criminals’ charter”) and our main export to them is the violent drunk on a package tour or football trip.

Back to the issue. Camers heard of the ruling that would allow 28,000 U.K.pisoners the vote and “felt physically sick in his stomach”,as if from a bad leftover meal at Eton we presume. So the “Not on my watch!” farce began,and, rolls on. Images of the Charge of the Light Brigade averted them not.

In the full and certain knowledge that this pathetic approach will cost this country serious money and has no legal basis,the U.K.Parliament voted to reject the European Court’s ruling.

The  serious payback will come when contracts are awarded in places other than here. Why would a muti-national invest here knowing that,in the event of a legal dispute going against the U.K.Government they will just refuse to play on? This vote will hamper the efforts of British companies looking to trade,set up and expand abroad.

The U.K. is bound by the European Court’s rulings-end of! You don’t like the rules,don’t join the club.

The point at issue is thereby irrelevant ,but,to gain more kudos and divert attention from Iraq,Afhganistan,the economy,the NHS etc. what could be better-“pack up the walls with the dead(heads) of England”, that Agincourt attitude to the fore and ready the chequebook.

This whole episode will make the U.K. a laughing stock in Europe yet again,the bumbling cousin who has to be invited but we hope won’t actually turn up.

Why Red Nose Day should cause some Red Faces

So,the annual charity “guiltfest” creeps over the winswept horizon-the night to avoid any “social” places,block BBC 1 on the remote and shudder at just how gullible your fellow Brits really are.Yip,Children in Need is getting nearer and folks will be dusting down their fancy dress,cleaning last year’s collection buckets and planning mass invasions of otherwise nice restaurants and hostelries.We will be urged to call Auntie Beeb with our credit card details by celeb’s of varying,if any, talent and,of course, the loathesome Davina.

You guessed it,I am NOT a fan of forced,so called “charity”.

Let’s remember that one of the first things Cameron and the other “prefects” did was to see the economic opportunity in slashing welfare,health and aid(unless foreign) budgets by dumping the whole thing on the public wrapped up as the “Big Society”. Effectively,we who have been paying for the provision of these services for years through taxation,will now also pay via collection tins-La Cosa Nostra must look on in awe! We are of course in this position due to Blair’s “I’ll do anyting for you George anything” and Cameron’s compadres in the Maths Club getting a few calculations wrong in their attempts to make it big.They did make something big,but it was brown and a tad smelly.

For years I have had serious problems with the whole concept of Pudsy Bear and the rolling onsceen cash count.

Look back over the uses to which the cash has been put-kidney machines,scanners etc. That is my point,we are being “guilted” into a second NHS budget.

I have absolutely no doubt that there are little grey,grey suited number crunchers in Whitehall and council finance offices calculating roughly how much will be brought in and how it means that they can avoid using funds from their department’s precious budgets to pay for the things we all thought the public purse was for. Having wasted £4 billion on the Dodo Nimrods and way more on dry docked aircraft carriers,not to mention illegal wars,Children in Need,Comic Relief and the like must seem like their prayer answered.Throw in some old style variety performances and the chances are that no-one will question the thing.

Celeb’s will queue up even to answer a ‘phone  on camera.Would you really want to be the celeb’ lambasted for refusing to take part on the basis of principle? No-career ending stuff that.

Before I’m accused of being stingy,selfish and just plain “un”British,this is my stance. I am all in favour of charity and its benefits to all involved.I do charity work,I give to some charities.I won’t say for which and how much simply because doing things for charity I agree with,but,wittering on about it-no.

Chief among these sinners? Why the same Tony Blair who, having used your money (and your relatives’ lives remember) to invade and disable Iraq,tries to bask in the giving of his book royalties to service personnel’s charities.

Note(1) the dosh is only needed because of his actions and he has already pocketed the book deal advance money anyway.

Note(2)  your taxes paid for the war and more of your cash is now required to buy the book.

Note(3) had he been honest,even with his own Cabinet,we wouldn’t have had the war which caused the casualties which required the care which required the money which led to the book.

We’d also have been spared such gems as “I loved Cherie that night with a hunger”-Yeeeess.

In twee Edinburgh there are few things as nauseating as watching someone’s video of the child they sponsor in a far off land while drinking Fairtrade coffee from a village made mug.

If you are sick of the weekly,now daily,assault course of trying to walk down Princes Street  ending with as much change in your pocket as when you started try this:-

The next time an escapee from a climate aware camp rattles a tin at you,ask that most relevant question,”What percentage of your charity’s take goes on salaries and admin’?” (Many of those you ask are on £8 an hour by the way). The blood will visibly drain and the inane smile droop. “Shit,this one isn’t playing the game!”

So dear friends,my point is this.It will be well packaged,schmaltzy in the extreme and show(exploit) many tear jerking shots of patients,but,Children in Need exists to provide the State with a second,and supplementary,welfare/health taxation system.

Time to put the responsibilty back to those who are paid a great deal for taking it on. We could maybe syphon the bank bonuses and ministerial pension pots-seemples!

Tommy! (A modern day schmoozical!!)

Gail! Gail! It’s a big lie!

You’ll be suing them then?

Now,all that follows could have been so easily avoided by use of Triple “A” – Admission,Apology,Amends

Rumour has it,this short (extra?) marital exchange led to one of Scotland’s lengthiest,and most costly,legal actions. It trundled on from the Civil to the Criminal courts and,although coming to some sort of conclusion this week with Tommy Sheridan’s 3-year jail term,it ain’t over by a long stretch.That is to say a stretch far longer than that the not so bold Tommy is starting,or,many legal commentators feel, should have been at least two years longer

It was Dr.Johnson’s opinion that, “There are few uglier sights than a Scotsman on the make”.

In many ways, the saddest thing about Sheridan embarking on his ill considered,criminal scheme is that it is far from a victimless crime. His daughter, Scottish socialism, all those he sought to cajole into supportng his untenable stance.You could argue for the witneses,the folk who had to listen to him on two juries as he castigated those who just told it like it was. The economists among you may also consider the inclusion of the police time,court costs etc,etc.

The fact is that this was a premeditated robbery without violence. The fortunate Gail may well proclaim that Tommy fights for socialism “with every beat of his heart”,but, not in this case. His actions were far from altruistic,they were a fairly complex criminal plan to trouser £200,000 from a company he hoped would be considered by the good folks,of Edinburgh at least, ready for a fall. For a while the plan went well and whether Gail’s Cherie Blair like smile outside the Court of Session was from glee or just plain surprise that they had won an “away” match,we can only guess.Would he,I wonder,have taken legal action if the claim had appeared in a cash-strapped freesheet?

To me, it is actually sad that someone who has undoubtedly done immense amounts for “the cause” has,in turn,done it immeasurable damage whilst seeking personal gain.He could have gone down in history as the charismatic,Scottish politico who could actually spell (and define) socialism. Instead he’ll be remembered for a different form of going down.(steady! Ed.)

As soon as other high-ranking SSP colleagues disputed Tommy’s claims,this could no longer be peddled as a “David and Goliath” battle. “Shall brithers be for a’ that” fell like snow off a dyke. This was no difference in ideological opinon,this was if X is telling the truth then Y is lying. Given not only the verdict,but the admissions in the Sheridan tapes,only one conclusion can be drawn.

His belief that those to whom he had confessed would give false evidence simply because “It’s me Tommy!” is staggering in its arrogance and self delusion. The Blair school of rewriting history had a new pupil taking Facts-v-Fiction 101.

Even at the sentencing diet,was he the only one who didn’t see the hypocrsisy in his using concern for the time spent away from his daughter? Perhaps he should have thought of that way before he took the criminal course of action that would cause that separation.

Sadly,the real point seems to be getting obscured.

From the start,Sheridan conceived and persisted in an immoral, criminal enterprise for financial gain-as the meerkat says,”Seemples!”

Do not be schmoozed by Tommy,and his entourage,the lure of a jackpot payday outweighed principles,beliefs and concern for the Scottish public,whose coffers remember paid for the the latest chapter.The same public coffers will,no doubt,meet the costs of his lengthy appeal process. I wonder how many drop-ins for addicts, shelters for the abused etc. such amounts could have funded?

Tommy Sheridan’s crimes have some unseen,but nonetheless damaged, victims.

Alan Muir

( Solicitor-Advocate )

Sticking an UGG boot into Cornton Vale’s Revolving Door

It was Dostoyevsky who wrote that a society could be judged by how it treats its prisoners. If you add its powerless, damaged, addicted and “born to fail”, I can only agree. At a time when the usual jail/don’t jail women debate seems to have to have been unleashed again, just like the Kraken it is, Solicitor-Advocate and contributor, Alan Muir has a few thoughts-just throwing them out there folks!

We are continually fed the “There should be fewer women in prison” line. Alright- why? Having worked out the why, the necessary question is how do we as a society go about achieving that goal. So far, it has been a sadly obvious “own goal” for successive administrations

I know why I believe that there should be fewer women in prison, but, my own view is that this has become a political line to trot out rather than a considered strategy capable of judicial application.  The longer we go on without a proper debate, and change, the more we, as a society, actually fail the public as victims of crime and fail the very people who should be helped rather than simply locked up for ever increasing periods.

If the criminal justice system sends out the message, as it to some extent already does, that women will be treated more leniently simply because being female is a factor in mitigation, this will, in my view, make the same women even more vulnerable than they already are to being used by male (or female) ringleaders who sit in the background, one stage further away from punishment. We have all seen it, the “my man told me there was nae danger” drugs couriers- the obvious unasked question? If it was so free of danger why didn’t your man do it himself? There are the shoplifting gangs directed by a figure in the background and “rewarded” with a tenner bag or their benefit book back (temporarily). At the other end of the scale are those criminals, who just happen to be female, who should be locked up. Let’s not forget that two of the biggest heroin dealing rings uncovered in Scotland in the last 15 years were headed by women.

The pathetic (in its original sense) “revolving door” at Cornton Vale is a heart wrenching sight; lassies brought up to believe that, often like their mothers, they are worth nothing more – no better than you should be etc. Little wonder that temporary escape is sought via the needle, or worse on a permanent basis.

Insane as this may sound, for some the jail is a form of escape in itself. If facing the daily torture of an abusive partner who has branded her as his by the child they, at least biologically, share, the pressure to feed, clothe the child(ren), feed an increasing habit, pay the mounting catalogue debts, visit various prisons their man is held in, bring him  in money, drugs or whatever, attend his trials in support, attend the however many meetings with keyworkers, mentors, social workers, doctors etc. etc.-stop!

Against that 24/7 backdrop, a stay among folk you can indentify with, your fellow female inmates, three meals a day, some degree of privacy, some degree of status, staff who ask how you are (and are actually interested to know) and the safety of knowing that your man can’t kick in that particular door to demand money, his conjugals or just a punchbag has some upside.

BEFORE you lynch me, I am NOT suggesting that, in these circumstances, the jail is easy-far from it. What I am suggesting is that we cannot hope to address the “There should be fewer women in prison” without adequately addressing what caused , and continues to cause, this sorry state of recidivism and “revolving door”

Put in place a realistic system of practical empowerment and support not keep going down the route of “there, there, how could it have turned out any other way?” We are making these women dependant in the same way as the circumstances that brought the problem about. When that “support” is removed due to pressure on funding etc. more sinister dependence will return.

So, how do we do it?

1) Start early, start strong and keep on throughout school life. The conditioning that allows this abuse to go from generation to generation, like a genetic social cancer, starts from what is seen in early life. We are constantly shown how much the actions of parents and those around children are copied (see the anti-smoking adverts). “Ma man might hit me but no’ as much as my Da’ hit my maw!” Oh well, no cause for concern there then!

2) Employ “real” survivors, not the “kiddie on” troops too often assigned too many cases of folk who cannot, quite rightly, see any connection between their life histories- because there isn’t any. Self-respect and empowerment courses taught, as I said, by honest to God survivors who can, and very quickly do, earn the respect and attention of the class before them. You cannot read about abuse, addiction etc. and then hope to be taken seriously by someone who lives witnesses its scars and effects every day or goes home from class to face it. If on nothing else, trust me on that one. I have encountered some of the most well intentioned but dangerous and patronizing “book experts” you could ever hope to avoid! (Many on £30K+ a year)

The only thing worse than no therapist? A bad therapist!

3) Bin the New Labour, PC, line management crap! It was never going to work, it hasn’t, it isn’t and it never will. If, someone values you enough for them to choose you as, perhaps, the first they ever confided in about abuse, you cannot be chained by “I have to stop you there. As a result of the nature of the account you are disclosing to me, I must inform my line manager of this allegation, back in a jiff”. Chances are they don’t want anyone else to know, if they did, they would have told someone earlier. It is simply offensive, having plucked up that level of courage, to be “passed up the line” and again made powerless over the abuse.

4) Increase the number and standard of safe houses- those who are driven to the safe house should be supported- they have been failed not they have failed. Only feeling able to use a toilet/shower after carrying out a full deep cleaning exercise hardly helps to ease the feelings of loss and despair and to instill a feeling of being in a safe place to rebuild from a shattered life.

5) Invest in empowerment NOT yet more leaflets.To be told that you should walk away from a violent situation is utterly pointless and, in my view cruel,  unless places are available in secure high standard, short term alternatives. In there run classes in self respect, self defence, bargain budgeting, form filling, standing up to authorities, arguing for legal rights. Employ “sponsors” who have been through this, so, providing that person with meaningful employment, off the benefit roundabout and the value of putting something back. Never being taught those basics is what got them there, so, if you turn them out at some stage, without those weapons, do not be surprised that the process goes back to square one (or worse!)

6) I am, after 20 years in criminal defence, candidly, sick of the fifth defence in Scots Law- “ma burd’ll no speak up”. Time to put the effort and resources into the Human Rights and empowerment of the girl who grows into a self-determining woman.

The repetition of the same act expecting a different result is recognized as a classic symptom of insanity, so, time to try the alternative therapy.

P.S. It is also cheaper-think they heard that last bit!

Baah Humbug!!!

Alan Muir, a man of contradictions, lives on southside but blogs for The Leither (!) wishes all a happy Christmas safe in the knowledge that the Accident & Emergency will be going like the doors of the Next sale.

Firstly, I confess that I cannot hack what commercial “keich” Christmas has become. Santa’s image was the creation of a Coca-Cola marketing bod’ and less than 1 in 4 children in England were able to say what this festive period was for or about. The general religious view is that we’re 20 days out anyway, but, why let the facts spoil the multi-nationals’ profits.

I have witnessed so many lassies weighed down by the Argos bags in the last weeks that it had to be the run up to Christmas. I know of one threatened with a call to Childline if the wrapping revealed Reebok rather than Nike!

So, here we are in Asda, Morrisons wherever store only to find folk, otherwise “normal”, buying 6 loaves because the shops are shut for all of a day and you don’t want to risk their wrath by pointing out the freezing instructions on the side. Trolleys carrying loads the average juggernaut would buckle under are shoved down aisles like snow ploughs forcing the rest of us to jump into the nearest freezer cabinet.

What sugar coated tosh society has bought, bought big time, into. The neddery adorn their houses with naff Santas and reindeers lit up from dusk till dawn and watch the “leccy” bill launch towards that of a small town. Demi-Lee, Cody and the siblings look on in wonder, learning the hard via Christmas that adults lie to children.

Goodwill? Hardly! In my time at the Bar, I defended in as follows:-

Christmas Day- 3 attempted murders

Boxing Day- 2 attempted murders, assault to severe injury (various)

Ne-er Day – 1 murder (started by the clearly inflammatory “Have you got the time pal?”)

The domestic assaults will mirror those on an Old Firm day in the west (that’s as in Glasgow not Tombstone).

The 40 inch opiate in the corner will spew out the repeated guff and the “I’m actually in touch” Queen’s Speech. We’ll cut to various poor sods serving in Afghanistan now that we pretend that Iraq is all sorted out. The “news” will be dumbed down, if that is possible these days and we’ll be hit with endless ad’s for sales and holidays. As they say, “No such thing as original thought!”

Enforced jollity is as false as a Blair, Mandelson smile and I’ll have none of it.

As a child, one of my friends was in a hellish position as his father had died on Christmas Day. We forget that, for many, this period trawls up very painful memories and they are castigated for not “getting in the Christmas Spirit”.

Bah Humbug I scream. If I see something I think a friend or relative will like, I buy it for them- regardless of some fictitious bloke in a red suit and false beard. World War I, when the guns silenced and the footballs came out is still brought out as an example of man’s inherent goodness. It ignores that the carnage restarted with the final whistle. Will we ever learn?

So, some suggested Christmas prezzies :-

(1) Gordon Brown – A box of build your own integrity. He had lost his by selling all he had just to get the coveted PM title.

(2) New Labour cabinet – a dictionary so they can look up “collective responsibility”

(3) Blair – a service revolver to do the honourable thing and another dictionary to allow him to get his head round something (just prior to the bullet that is) the meaning of “bitter irony”. In his case, acting as peace envoy in an area he ordered bombed to distraction but called it liberation.

(4) All civil servants/bureaucrats – common sense for use where political correctness and double speak are presently the norm’.

(5) BBC/ITV – a clock with big numbers and a plug. The rest of us use them quite successfully, but, it seems that at times of money spinning phone ins, they just can’t get the hang of seeing the finishing time and pulling the plug when it comes.

I wish all a peaceful time and especially those who find themselves homeless, in pain or in desperation to see a light in their darkness.

A.I.D.S -v- A.I.D.S – An Unfair Fight?

Solicitor-Advocate and legal commentator, Alan Muir, considers the insane position we find ourselves in where the battle against

(A.I.D.S.)-Acquired Immuno Deficiency Syndrome

is being hindered by unlikely foes in the form of

(A.I.D&S.)-Anachronism, Ignorance, Doctrine and Self-Interest (the Catholic Church)


Once more we have reached World Aids day (December 1st.)  It strikes me that we have been have been brought to a position similar to that of Pandora’s Box in that the Demons of Humanity have been released into the world and what remains is hope. Thankfully, we have many people, famous and unknown, working to combat this human, deadly plague.

Since the early 80’s this disease has been recognized as among us like a dark, invisible killing machine. Then the battle lines were drawn-no sharing of needles, no dirty needles, no unprotected anal sex. In other words a few years of –  “It’s ok chaps-only junkies and poofs!” How times change!

I always wonder how much publicity, effort and money would have been invested from the outset in finding a cure if these two groups, intravenous drug users and the male gay community, had been the only ones to be infected and affected (?)

These groups launched powerful and effective campaigns against the spread of A.I.D.S. albeit against a backdrop of a not particularly supportive press and debates raging about whether or not it could have been a secret chemical weapon gone wrong-courtesy of the U.S. of A. As I say, how times change!

We were then told that actually this thing killed “nice” people too, contaminated blood products etc. spreading the disease. The fight went into overdrive. HIV was now us not them.

Drugs companies, not in any altruistic way, have spent years seeking to develop a cure as if searching for a medical “Holy Grail”, sadly so far, with about as much success.

Celebrities turned out in force, some to be seen turning out in force, and others, chief among them Annie Lennox, actually rolling up her sleeves and entering the fray.

Therein lies the problem – Celeb’s.

Up against their good work is the celeb’ to beat all others, short of the second coming- His Holiness Pope Benedict and he’s infallible- aye right!

Add to that the ingrained and inherited African male status symbol of turning out as many babies as you can, music to the former Hitler Youth member’s ears, and I fear a losing battle-‘though maybe not war.

How an infected baby born of a child mother who has been gang raped by “peace keeping” forces can be called a “gift from God” eludes me.

By consistently stating that condoms are some form of “latex Lucifer” and not, under any circumstances, to be used, the sterling work being done by those I have mentioned, and so many others, is set back decades – so the death train arrives silently, invisibly at a new destination.

It is the religious version of “Pea and ham? From a chicken!” Sex advice? From a celibate!” Alchemy indeed.

Those who work with in the real world are effectively portrayed as trying to persuade the collection giving faithful that what the Pope says should be ignored, contradicted and dismissed. Where might that one end?

Let’s forget the numbers of children born into a short and misery strewn, painful life. A doctrine is a doctrine after, and in the face of, all.

This is, to my mind, one of the greatest crises the world faces and unless we get off our knees, figuratively and literally for some, this is a losing battle.

Until that “Road to Damascus” clarity arrives, no concert, celeb’ recording, T-shirt or the like will slow this death train-far less derail it.


The spread of HIV/A.I.D.S. in African nations has been as horrific as it has been swift. The dark skies are now gathering over e.g. Rumania. In Africa, there are areas where 80%+ of babies are born with HIV, some through rape, child prostitution etc. so starting generational HIV. Against all this, in countries which hardly had their worries to seek, there is the immense work being carried out by World Health Organization and the many community workers prepared to go into these unknown, and uncovered, areas to risk themselves but possibly save a life or lives of another.

Annie Lennox works tirelessly in the fight to publicize the reality of the problem as what it is-OURS, to get treatment for those infected and to combat this modern plague.

After Africa, there are the Balkan nations, sadly under the same death warrant doctrines from Rome.

How many, I wonder, have to die painfully, invisibly and needlessly before we act – free of the incense influence?

Alan Muir raises an eyebrow at possible police interviewing of the future-Orwellian (and then some!)

Just relax, watch the slowly spinning tape reels and we’ll begin…

I read it, then I re-read it. Then I checked that there was indeed snow on the ground, some Christmas cards in the post and screamed a silent scream. It was not, as I had been hoping, April 1st.

Chester University is to host a “taster” next June, so far so good. Here’s the catch. It is to be held for police officers and conducted by “hypnosis specialist” Tom Silver. I know, I know but it gets worse. It is to teach serving, hitherto sane, officers the new art of interviewing or, as it is hyped to produce “the deepest and most receptive states of hypnosis.”

This departure from the real word is championed by PC Mark Hughes, an “investigative skills trainer” (yip!) with the Cheshire Polis’. No you’re right, if he’s that good, I don’t know why he is still a P.C. either! I can just about hear an inspector somewhere saying, “So he’s definitely somewhere he can do no harm?”

To quote the hapless plod, “Putting people in a receptive brainwave state makes it likelier that “the truth will come out”. He describes this as “another tool in the armoury”. By now the word “tool” had come to mind but not linked to armoury.

The sales pitch? “Putting people in a receptive brainwave state makes it likelier that the truth will come out” Sweet Jesus! Feeding them 4 cans of Caly Special Brew might do that!! It would also be a damn sight cheaper as the “course” for the polis’ costs £1,370 for 6 days. Can you imagine the pish up two polis’ and an accused could have on that?? In Scotland the 6 hour detention limit would have to be forgotten of course, but…think of the cost savings!

Can’t get worse? Wrong! “Forensic hypnosis is a scientific approach , (wait for it!), and special helmets monitor brain activity and those who lie have wide awake brain patterns”. Could just be me, but, so do folk who are …well, wide awake. Being dragged into a police interview room does tend to spark you into consciousness! So much for the “Right to Silence”.

Needless to say, the eejit who is hawking this, along with matching tie and socks sets no doubt, is a “celebrity” hypnotherapist. Mr. Silver, it boasts, has “appearances on…Montel Williams and Ricki Lake chat shows”. Well Tom, so do folk who marry their household pets in a “mutually satisfying(!), loving union”. I wouldn’t tell you the time using my watch let alone risk your interpretation of my thoughts getting anywhere near a Fiscal’s desk!

The final “sell” I leave to P.C. Deadhead, “Forensic hypnosis does not prove guilt but it can give new lines of inquiry when traditional methods have failed.” I think that he might find dropping an LSD tab’ will do just the same!

Evening all!

Keeping it Simple

Cynic, Realist, Unabashed Romantic – call me what you will – a few shots at the meaning behind the words:

(1) Bankers’ Bonus Crisis
Claim – Hi, I’m you tenant and here to claim the reward for finding your cat
Owner – But, it was found hidden in your cellar and you had the key
Claimant – That’s as maybe I still found your moggie
Owner – We wrote off your rent arrears to allow you to stay there!
Claimant- I’ll leave tomorrow and I’ll leave it in a sh–ty state so no other tenant will accept it.

(2) Middle East/Terrorism
Government – We have taken steps to protect our citizens from terrorist attack!
Public – What steps?
Government – We’ve invaded the countries which might harbour the terrorists.
Public – But, if you just one day throw a rock through our window aren’t we then more likely to throw one through yours?
Government – You’re not very clever and you’re clearly missing the point
Public – Are we?
Government – We want your 40 inch LCD
Public – Now we get it.

(3) On the side
Benefit Inspector – We’re prosecuting you for claiming Incapacity Benefit and earning £300 last month as a cleaner
Accused – Hmmmm, so I get prosecuted for that at a cost of at least £2,000 but Jacqui Smith diddles £100,000 + and gets a ministerial pension and a cheery wave?
Benefit Inspector – She’s important and knows where we hid the skeletons
Accused – I know which sauna you go to on a Friday after work to ‘unwind’
Benefit Inspector – We’ll just send you a warning note then?

The Power Hungry Politicians and the Professors

… whose opinion would you be more likely to trust? – Thought so!

It was Samuel Goldwyn who wrote – I don’t want yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs. Samuel was, of course, talking before the 1984/Animal Farm society brought to us by New Labour. The story is hardly novel to children who read The Emperor’s New Clothes. Nothing, as in so many things, has really changed.

In the last few days we have seen the dismissal of Professor David Nutt, his ‘crime against the State’ was telling the truth, a truth that the politicians, having faffed about with the classification and reclassification of drugs, just didn’t want to hear until they were safely in opposition. The timing meant that it has exposed the farce that happened ‘on their watch’. You could almost see Home Secretary, Alan Johnson – ticking the days on his ‘Training for Freedom’ diary – start to flinch. Some of his comments since have shown the true colour of the fake red rose. How dare those ivory tower types take public money, public appointments and be so ungrateful? Basically what the rest of us said when the politicians’ feng shui accounting practices came to light.

Continue reading ‘The Power Hungry Politicians and the Professors’

Ballad of the Three

Ballad of the three “B”s – Bush, Blair and Brown
Each a self-serving, corrupt “B” to be sure

Tony, even you must by now have sussed it,
That you left us to drown in the mud.
That long awaited Dear John letter,
Was written in young squaddies’ blood.

The toll of the dead and the maimed just keeps rising
Even your mindless faithful can now smell a rat.
While you and Lady Macbeth rake in the fees
Stunned families pray “In Pace Requiescat”

Your get out of jail, ”History will forgive us”
Got us back in for the last electoral poll,
I suggest that you visit your mate at the Vatican
They tell me that confession is good for the soul.

I don’t think we have that much time left
To make amends for the deaths and moral downfalls
I could tell the public the real story,
But, as you so rightly gambled – I don’t have the balls.

I could tell them of my concerns and my warnings,
That you chose to dismiss out of hand.
How my childhood in a staunch bible setting
Taught me all about a Bush in the sand.
But you, you just wouldn’t listen,
Your own ego became a Westminster plague.
Now thousands of souls look down upon you,
We won so the rules were forgotten, avoiding a trial in The Hague

Some day we will have to answer,
For the lies, occupations and deaths we imposed.
When we search out that final resting place,
St. Peter’s Gates will stay firmly closed.