Keeping it Simple

Cynic, Realist, Unabashed Romantic – call me what you will – a few shots at the meaning behind the words:

(1) Bankers’ Bonus Crisis
Claim – Hi, I’m you tenant and here to claim the reward for finding your cat
Owner – But, it was found hidden in your cellar and you had the key
Claimant – That’s as maybe I still found your moggie
Owner – We wrote off your rent arrears to allow you to stay there!
Claimant- I’ll leave tomorrow and I’ll leave it in a sh–ty state so no other tenant will accept it.

(2) Middle East/Terrorism
Government – We have taken steps to protect our citizens from terrorist attack!
Public – What steps?
Government – We’ve invaded the countries which might harbour the terrorists.
Public – But, if you just one day throw a rock through our window aren’t we then more likely to throw one through yours?
Government – You’re not very clever and you’re clearly missing the point
Public – Are we?
Government – We want your 40 inch LCD
Public – Now we get it.

(3) On the side
Benefit Inspector – We’re prosecuting you for claiming Incapacity Benefit and earning £300 last month as a cleaner
Accused – Hmmmm, so I get prosecuted for that at a cost of at least £2,000 but Jacqui Smith diddles £100,000 + and gets a ministerial pension and a cheery wave?
Benefit Inspector – She’s important and knows where we hid the skeletons
Accused – I know which sauna you go to on a Friday after work to ‘unwind’
Benefit Inspector – We’ll just send you a warning note then?

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